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Myoyo Vol. 37 June 1998

Man and Woman

Born as a man, I feel half blessed and half regretful.

Today I went to see an actress who starred with me and she was in a musical. I saw her standing on the stage and I was stunned. She is totally different from the one I know before. After the show ended, I went to say hello to her at the backstage and I felt nervous. I used to know her very well! She’s the type whom I could joke around totally, yet I am terribly nervous. It felt like the type where you don’t want to anger the father, the mother or the teacher – that type of nervousness. Perhaps I was afraid that we would not get along. In front of a guy or a girl, you need to be a bit crazy to be accepted. For me, the first female I came into contact is my mother. So my perception of female is affected. But now, the girl that I like does not even have the slightest resemblance to my mother. I think as I grow, I change and so my perception of girls change also.

In the past I really like very cool types. This hasn’t changed. It doesn’t have to do with how cool the guy or gal are, but it is not just the exterior looks. Of course, as to liking girls, my preferences will surface. I would think about whether her height would suit me, the way she talks and whether she’s my style. All those questions will surface but the most important is her state. I often feel the attractiveness of girls during their work when they shine. I don’t mean that they have to be capable and intelligent. Nor sexy and good looking. Because that is not all I look for in women. I feel that a good person does not have to be sexy looking, wearing tight low cuts, or short skirt to show their legs. I don’t need that type. In contrast, perhaps if she wears unfashionable clothing, worn out sneakers and faded jeans, I might even feel they are sexier!

Apart from their gender difference, men and women has their own plus alpha (what they could accept and beyond). If they have that, their face and style will magically become very pretty. So if my partner is very passionate about work and would even neglect me, I could accept that side of her and would allow her to continue. Although so far I have not come across such a situation, but, I think if I do, I would be as such.

Earlier, I was making 織田信長 (the period movie), I thought about when I was putting my head on the knee of the girl and thought about the father’s death, and I shed tears for the first time, words like “I love you” or “my sympathy to you” are no longer necessary between the two. They don’t need to say anything. Just like that, her knee was the best resting place. I like that type of a strong girl. Even though the period and the circumstances are different, from a man’s point of view, my character in that series is really a bad man, yet others adore him. But the one who knows his ability the most is the girl. If it were not for that girl, he would be what you could hear in many series, “What do you think I am? For you, I am like thin air?” Isn’t that what you often express when you are upset? Yet I feel that is the happiest relationship! If for both of them, they are like thin air, isn’t that good? That way, no matter what season, cold or warm, they could be together, right?

I feel that it is not too good to be identical to other men. But if a man has a woman behind him, to support him, then it would be different. If there are only male companions, when a female joins, there would be change. Of course I’m happy to be with guys together. I feel that as a guy, one half I feel happy, and the other half I feel regret. Of course because I was born a guy, I could have many experiences. But I feel it is not bad to be a girl either. It’s not that I want to change my sex. But sometimes I go to Shibuya and the girls are really quite something. They shock me and also make me respect them more. They give me a lot of feelings. I feel that from women, men could derive unsurpassable energy.


For men, woman could make them actualize their potential
So from now onwards, I would continue....

Litttle guy

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